


No Star He**

by Cat_Moon



Category: Moonlight (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 01:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19780615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Cat_Moon
Summary: Shenanigans at the Moonlightaholics Motel





	1. Post #1: No Star Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time there was a forum called Moonlighaholics. Like most addicts, we couldn't survive an hour without our ML "fix" so the mods set up a special place for us to hang out when/if the board went 'down'. The Moonlight Motel became a party place where we would pass the time joking and writing amusing shorts. This is one such tale, written during boring exile at the motel, told in 5 "posts."  
> *Includes original character Shane Alexander, from my "Half Breed" universe.

**Welcome to the Moonlightaholics Motel Bar. Drinking age only, have ID ready. No shoes, no shirt? No problem!**

Maureen stepped out of the car, looking around the deserted desert with disgust. Brushing off imaginary dust from her stylish outfit, she turned on her heel and entered the front door of the motel, letting it bang shut behind her. Her assistant, Kitty HalfMoon, hurried inside in her wake, lugging a huge leather bag over one shoulder.

Mo spun in a circle, taking in the surroundings with hands on her hips. "Where is everyone? I was promised a big scoop. There's no dirt here -- I need dirt!"

"I'm sure something will be happening soon," her assistant assured her. "I hear Mick is on his way, and he might bring his ex-wife with him, she's a courtesan, you know. I'm sure she's slept with some very influential men. That would make a juicy story."

"Old news," Mo dismissed, snapping her fingers impatiently. "Mama needs fresh content!"

"Um..." Kitty struggled to think of something to appease her. She knew Mo could be a bear when she didn't get what she wanted. "Josef Kostan is coming!" Kitty exclaimed, brightening. "You know there's always something mysterious going on around him..."

"Hmm..." Mo murmured, nibbling on the end of a finger as she contemplated it. "It has possibilities. He's rich, influential, secretive. Lots of sexy women always hanging around him. Our male viewers love that. Make a note -- have Steve get some skin shots around the pool. Tell him there's a bonus in it for him if he can catch some skinny dipping."

"I'm on it," Kitty told her, thinking to herself that she'd _much_ rather catch Mick or Josef skinny dipping. And it would be a bonus if they were together!

"Is that it?" Mo asked arching her perfectly arched eyebrow expectantly.

Kitty deflated, having run out of ideas. "I'm sure _something_ sordid will happen eventually. This _is_ a motel, after all."

"Get Beth out here," Mo ordered decisively. "Wherever she goes, bizarre murders always follow." She headed for the motel bar with a dismissive wave. "In the meantime, I'll be enjoying a Margarita or two."

Kitty watched her boss leave, disappointed. She had little hope of ever being able to scoop Beth the murder magnet. Still, perhaps she could find something for Mo if she snooped around long enough. Kitty may not have Beth's nose for nasty crime, but she did have a special talent for sniffing out controversial sex scenes. In the meantime... perhaps she could distract her boss with that tall drink of water from the LAPD, Carl Davis....

Kitty wandered off in the opposite direction, plotting...

the end (for now?)

\-------------------------------------------------------

**Maureen is here, and she's looking for a hot story. Consider that a warning. Everyone on their best behavior (I'll distract Mo).**


	2. Post #2: Mayhem

"There's mayhem afoot!"

Kitty HalfMoon paused in the act of sending an email to a source, regarding her employer regardingly. "Huh?"

"I can smell a story from a mile away. It's here somewhere, I know it is." Mo's eyes darted around the motel lobby.

Personally, Kitty thought the story was standing in front of her, and that Mo had had three too many Whiskey Sours. "Sorry, it's been really quiet here in the lobby. Maybe later tonight..."

"Buzz Wire needs some mayhem," Mo told her. "Find me some! I'll be in the bar if you need me. I expect some mayhem within the hour." Mo turned and disappeared back into the bar.

Kitty sighed, resigning herself to doing her boss's bidding. She quickly typed m - a - y - h - e - m into her browser window.

"Willful and permanent deprivation of a bodily member resulting in the impairment of a person's fighting ability," Kitty read aloud. "Deprivation of a body member? What the he** is _that_ supposed to mean?! Body member?" Her eyes grew big and her gaze flew around the deserted lobby. Hopefully Mo didn't mean... surely she didn't mean... castration. Why would that interfere with someone's fighting ability?

Shaking her head, she tried again. wwwdot-Mayhem-dotcom. Could there be a clue there? Again she read aloud. "Don't bother sending email asking to buy the domain unless you're offering more than $750,000." Kitty shook her head. Mo already had Buzz Wire.com, she didn't need that kind of mayhem.

Ah, this looked promising. "Mayhem is an offence under the common law of England and Wales." Sounded like there might be a story there. "It has fallen into disuse. In 1992 the Law Commission recommended that it be abolished. So it's okay to deprive some poor guy of his member in England?!" Kitty asked the empty room. Silence answered her.

There was a Mayhem Fest, a rock music festival. There might be a juicy story there, those rockers were wild. "Mayhem is a black metal band formed in 1984 in Oslo, Norway. Hmm..." Kitty gave a long look to the door of the bar. She thought she remembered that one of the guys distract--uh, keeping Maureen company was from Norway. Coincidence? Hmm... murder, suicide. Plenty of opportunities for a story there, but there was one problem. This isn't Norway.

Sighing, Kitty went back to her email. She'd just have to keep her eye open for any sign of mayhem at the motel.

**Author's note: No, contrary to popular belief, I have _not_ been drinking. Perhaps I should be? :snicker:**


	3. Post #3: Be Careful What You Wish For

(cilff-hanger warning)

Bored and in need of a good stiff... drink herself, Kitty HalfMoon finally shut down the laptop and ventured into the dark, cool interior of the motel bar. It was early yet, a weekday, the place was deserted except for the bartender and her three patrons that sat at the bar doing shots of Tequila. Kitty slipped into a seat in the corner, wanting to observe while remaining unobserved. A jazz band was setting up in the corner. Good, hopefully things were going to start hopping. Maybe Mick would show up, rumor had it he was a jazz aficionado. The voices from the bar were loud enough to be heard easily from Kitty's vantage point.

It was obvious _one_ person was enjoying herself. Kitty didn't blame her. In fact, she was jealous. "I can never remember which comes first, the lime or the salt?" Mo was saying. She sat on a stool between her two male companions, who for some odd reason had both taken off their shirts. The blond on Mo's right shrugged and downed his shot. "It all tastes the same to me, anyway."

"Forget the salt, how about some sugar?" Carl asked, slipping an arm around Maureen's waist.

Mo giggled and swatted away the roaming hands. "How about body shots?" she asked, leering at each buff body in turn. "Can I borrow one of your _six packs_?" Her fingers trailed down the abs in question, one hand for each.

The blond glanced around the room quickly. "I suppose we could use the pool table."

"And they say blonds are dumb," Mo commented in approval.

Suddenly there was a spill of light as the outside door was flung open, letting in the sunshine from the patio. A man walked in, and the place was quickly plunged into darkness again as the door swung shut with a heavy thud of finality. Oddly, considering it was summer in the desert, the man wore a long black coat and black pants. He didn't bother taking off his sunglasses as you would expect.

Kitty had a feeling it was Josef Kostan himself. She'd heard stories about his "presence" and even though unidentifiable behind all the black, the aura was unmistakable. She hoped that Steve was outside by the pool with his camera, Mo would kill them if they missed any half naked shenanigans of nubile young flesh. Hopefully it would outshine the debauchery going on _inside_ the bar.

Josef moved through the bar with cat-like grace, stopping only when he was in front of the band. Only then did he take off his sunglasses, as he addressed the band leader.

"Play Misty for me."

...to be continued...?

**:confused: :o :confused: :confused: :confused: :o :o :o**


	4. Post #4: Play Misty For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone on the board mentioned Mick and Josef skinny dipping, which is why the idea appears in this part. Poor Shane was jealous...

**And now, we pick up our story where it left off, on a rather ominous note...**

"Play Misty for me." Josef pressed a fifty dollar bill into the man's hand. "And keep playing it until I tell you to stop."

"Sure!" The guy agreed happily, pocketing the bill.

Josef made his way over to the bar, stopping next to Shane. He signaled the bartender and ordered a Scotch, then he turned and regarded the vamp, but did not speak.

Shane finished doing his shot and favored Josef with a belligerent expression. "I thought you were supposed to be _skinny-dipping_ with Mick?" he inquired.

"Well I'm not, am I?" Josef answered matching his look. "The question is, what are _you_ doing?"

"Shots," he answered, motioning to the empty glass.

"I'm sorry, by what I mean _whom?_ " Josef responded with feigned pleasantness.

"Okay." Shane turned to Maureen. "Excuse me a moment," he told her.

Mo waved vaguely in his direction to show she'd heard, distracted by whatever Carl was currently whispering into her ear.

Shane grabbed Josef's collar, backing him away from the bar and into a corner. (Luckily for Kitty it happened to be the corner she was sitting in). "I know how this usually goes," he began quietly so as not to be overheard. "You try to kick my ass, we have a knock down drag out fight and then fuck each other and make up."

"You say that like it's a _bad_ thing," Josef told him, but was smiling.

Shane rolled his eyes. "You know what we really need? To cut loose a bit, blow off some steam. How about it?"

Josef made a show of thinking about it. "I suppose we could try that," he finally agreed.

Shane rolled his eyes and turned to head back to the bar. "Besides, it's not like _I_ promised monogamy."

"What, two's not enough for you?"

"No."

"Wise ass." Josef smacked him in the back of the head.

Shane turned to glare at him for the hit.

"Just for good measure," Josef said mildly.

"If I have to hear Misty one more time I'm gonna have to kill something," Shane informed, detouring to the band. "Can you play dance music?" he asked the leader.

"I thought you'd never ask!" the man exclaimed in relief. He reached behind him and pulled a synthesizer out of an equipment case.

When the heavy beat of the Bodyrocker's "I like the way you move" started up, Shane sighed in relief. "Let's dance!" he yelled to the room, starting to clap his hands and moving his body to the beat.

Attracted by the loud pounding beat coming from the bar, they wandered in looking for a good time. Soon the place was packed like sardines with writhing bodies, moving in time with the pulsing of the strobe lights, bumping against each other in the decadent free for all. Even Kitty couldn't resist and found herself joining the crowd, shamelessly attempting to dance her way through the throng, to get closer to where the appealing bodies of Josef and the blond were showing just why parents in the 50's used to think dancing led to sex. Besides, she wasn't sure anyone had ever seen Kostan cut loose in quite this way before, and she wanted to enjoy every minute of it.

Maureen was now on the pool table, she had her blouse off and was gyrating to the music. Carl stood on the floor in front of her, encouraging her with whistles and claps. Nope, Kitty had no need to worry about Mo doing any snooping tonight or even noticing anything she shouldn't.

No worries at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song on repeat is a nod to our Josef-Muses, fellow writing slaves know why. ;-) And FYI for those who don't read my HB series, Shane's line about monogamy refers to the fact that in one of the stories Josef made the announcement that he was practicing "gender specific monogamy".


	5. Post #5: Homeward Bound

Maureen walked unsteadily out of the front door of the motel, squinting as the bright morning sun stabbed her eyes. She quickly reached into her purse, grabbing sunglasses and slipping them on with an audible sigh of relief.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Mo told her assistant Kitty.

Kitty obligingly opened the passenger door of the car so that Mo could slide inside.

Just as she was about to close the door, Mo’s hand closed on hers tightly. “We shall never speak of this,” she warned.

“Never,” Kitty agreed, and closed the door.

On her way around to the passenger side, Kitty met Steve who was just coming out of the motel and headed for the news van. As they passed each other, he pressed a tape into her hand, winking.

Kitty pocketed the tape. It was almost a shame it would never see the light of day. The vacation was reminiscent of spring break in Miami Beach (or perhaps Fire Island in the 70’s). It had everything Mo was looking for and then some: debauchery, intrigue, sex, scandal – even very nearly mayhem as Josef had definitely had mayhem on his mind when he found his blond in the company of Maureen and Carl, before Shane had calmed him down. The tape would remain in Kitty’s… _private_ collection though, for her eyes only. As Kitty got behind the wheel to drive them back home to L.A., she couldn’t help a satisfied smile from forming on her lips.

All in all it was everything a good vacation should be – one that you needed another vacation to _recover_ from.

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. And so ends also my reposting of all my old Moonlight fanfics. I hope to finish some I'm currently working on eventually, so stay tuned...


End file.
